


The Tale Of Doctor McCoy And Two Of Those Damn Idiots

by afteriwake



Series: Stuff Of Improbable Legends [111]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Background James T. Kirk/Rose Hathaway, F/M, Gen, Inspired by Roleplay/Roleplay Adaptation, McCoy Is Having A Bad Day, POV Leonard McCoy, Past Molly Hooper/Khan Noonien Singh, Roleplay Logs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-30 11:50:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5162801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afteriwake/pseuds/afteriwake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>McCoy is faced with an interesting conundrum: what happens when he finds himself with two Jim Kirks on his hands? Fortunately it's only a temporary situation, and he has a friend who offers a helping hand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sideofrawr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sideofrawr/gifts).



> So one of my very dear friends, **sideofrawr** , had helped me out with reblogging various donation posts I had made over the last few times I had made them, so I offered to write her some roleplay inspired fics for a roleplay game we're in. A tiny bit of background: the game we both started in (which is now defunct) was a panfandom game based on the TV show Supernatural where characters were initially brought in to help stop the Apocalypse. That happened in 2013, but the game continued on for a while. We took our characters with their game history to another game, set in New Orleans, earlier this year. I played Kirk since 2013 and Molly since 2014, and she played Bones since this year, and they're all in the new game in NOLO, which is where this fic is set. The only other real things you need to know is (a) McCoy and Kirk know that they're fictional while Molly is not considered fictional and (b) Molly was romantically involved with Khan (who had been in Lawrence, where the SPN game had been set, from 2013 to early 2015) and that is something Bones just does not understand _at all_ because Khan was gone before he got there so he hadn't seen the personality changes.
> 
>  **Edit:** On 1/14/16, the fic was edited a bit to reflect the fact that an earlier event in the series changed the nature of McCoy and Molly's relationship from platonic to romantic.

All these damn years later and he was still not used to the situations the places he ended up put him in. Granted, he’d ended up at the tail end of some weird stuff in Lawrence, hadn’t seen half the weird things some of the other people he knew had, but he’d seen his own fair share in New Orleans and that was bad enough.

But this? This took the cake.

He stared at the Jim he’d gotten used to, the one who, first off, wasn’t blonde, who kept his hair short and dark brown and wore glasses (he really still hadn’t gotten used to it, and he’d been staring at a four-eyed Jim for years now) and had a platinum wedding ring on his left hand and wore business suits sometimes and did he forget to the goddamned wedding ring? This was the Jim that looked a whole damn more like the actor facetwin than the James Tiberius Kirk he knew in Starfleet. This was the one he’d been teasing the hell out of in this weird alternate dimension he’d been pulled to by the Seal and then tossed around in like a kid tosses around his favorite ball among his friends.

Then he turned in his stool and looked at the other Jim.

The Jim that was a damn carbon copy for the one in the movies.

He looked like he could have just waltzed off the screen at some point in during the second one. Probably during some point when Khan was in the med bay (he hated thinking about that egotistical homicidal maniac, he really did…couldn’t stand the sight of Benedict Whatshisname, just like Molly, though for completely different reasons, and if he started thinking about those reasons he’d get irritated because it all led back to Khan and _how in the hell could someone actually—_

You know what? Just because she had God awful taste in men before him doesn’t mean she’s a bad person. No. She was dating him now. He had to remember that. She’d chosen him and moved on from the genocidal maniac. 

Back to the subject at hand.)

He sighed and drug a hand across his face. “Jim? Why are there two of you?”

“Don’t know,” they chorused, and he groaned. He could hear Molly stifle a laugh from across the medical center and he lifted his head up to glare at her. She pretended not to notice and gave him a grin. Typical British cheekiness. He intensified his glare and she just grinned more. Good thing John wasn’t around. If he got wind of it that’d be worse. Those two were thick as thieves sometimes, which considering they came from the same universe he supposed was typical. After a moment he turned back to his dilemma of two Kirks before zeroing in on the Sealified Kirk. “Are you going to take him back to Casa de Kirk-Hathaway?”

“Not sure,” he said. “I mean, there’s the twins, and while I’m sure Rose would get a kick out of there being two of us, she’s used to…me, and not old me. She’s only dealt with a taste of old me once.”

McCoy narrowed his eyes. “Wasn’t old you what she was dealing with when the two of you got together?” he asked.

“Yeah,” he said. “Which is kind of why I don’t want old me around my wife.”

“I may be a flirt, but I don’t cheat,” the other Kirk said. “I do have _some_ standards. Especially with my wife.” He paused. “My other me’s wife. Damn, that’s going to get confusing.”

“You could always have one be Alpha James and the other be Beta James,” Molly suggested as she kept checking the supplies.

“Yeah, but who would be who?” McCoy said. “I mean, technically it could go either way. The Jim we’re all used to could be Alpha Jim because he’s our baseline and the interloper could be Beta Jim—”

“Hey, I’m not an interloper!” the blonde Kirk said, straightening up.

“Yeah, you kind of are,” the brunette Kirk said.

McCoy turned from Molly to the two of them, glaring, and they both shut up. “ _Or_ , we could go on apparent timeline, where…” McCoy focused on the blonde Kirk. “What’s the last thing that happened to you, Jim?”

“Pike died,” he said. “We’re going after Harrison.”

Brunette Kirk shrugged, getting annoyed. “Then I’m still Alpha Kirk since I was six months into the five year mission in deep space when the Seal yanked me out and dumped me in Lawrence,” he said. “And then there’s the fact I’m older, I’m wiser, I’m richer, and I lived through a fucking Apocalypse.”

“Language,” Molly said absently.

“Sorry,” brunette Kirk said, appearing mollified. “Look, it’s been a long day, I want to get home to Rose and the kids…can you take him for the night?”

McCoy’s eyes widened and stood up, moving over and grabbing brunette Kirk’s shoulder and moving then away from blonde Kirk. “No. Jim…no. You are not dumping the reckless cowboy, still hadn’t had his ass kicked by you-know-who, still hadn’t found out the truth, still hadn’t _died_ you on _me_.”

“I’ll watch him tonight,” Molly said as she approached him. Both men stared. “Leonard, I can watch him tonight, if he needs to stay here. We can keep him in the med centre, and I’ll tell John to stay home tonight, just in case, and…it will be fine. It’s not as though we had any grand plans this evening, nothing that can’t be postponed, and you have plans for tomorrow that you _can’t_ postpone. You need to rest.”

McCoy looked over at the Kirk he had been living with since landing in Lawrence and now, again, in New Orleans, and then over at Molly, and then finally nodded. “Fine. But…don’t be surprised if I come in and check on you tonight, okay? Kirk’s a handful. Any of them.”

“Nice to know you really care,” brunette Kirk said. “Come on. Have dinner with me and Rose. Molly’s got it handled.”

“I do,” Molly said. “It will be fine, promise.”

McCoy looked back at the other Kirk, and then slowly let out a breath and then nodded. “Fine, fine. But if you have trouble, you call me, understand?”

“Understood,” she said. He turned away and then went and grabbed his coat, following Kirk out. He really hoped he wasn’t making a horrible horrible mistake.


	2. Chapter 2

He forgot the Kirk he’d spent all this time with here in Wackyland was a good cook, and Rose was good company, and he was about 90% sure he’d even managed to convince the twins to give their Daddy hell at bedtime, just like Uncle Bones should. Course, if Mommy put them to bed they had to be perfect angels. That was the deal. Then they could come into the med center to help him set the next broken bone he got if they were perfect angels for Mommy. Rose was laughing her ass off at that while Kirk glared. There was a _reason_ he was glad Kirk had settled down with her, tenish year age difference be damn.

In the end, though, Rose had said she’d go get them off to bed while the two of them went back to the med center and Kirk collected his newest facetwin. She was insisting he stay with them; Kirk grumbled she just wanted the chance to flirt with a carbon copy of her husband because _technically_ it wasn’t cheating but they both knew better. It was easier for everyone if the other Kirk stayed with him until they asked around, found out if anyone else had doubles of themselves popping up, did some research into things and found out what was going on. There was no reason to keep him at the med center and really, it wasn’t fair to Molly to keep her there all night, not when she didn’t get that many days off from the coroner’s office and she shouldn’t spend her day off tomorrow sleeping from staying up all night babysitting.

Kirk drove them to the center and McCoy let them in. The other Kirk was nowhere to be seen so McCoy directed him to the office where the comfortable cot was and Kirk headed over that way while McCoy went in search of Molly. He found her in the kitchenette area of the break room, waiting for the plugged in kettle to finish. “Tea,” he said, leaning against the doorway, crossing his arms. “Should have guessed.”

“I am British,” she said with a smile. “It’s in my blood. But I was going to move onto coffee later.”

“You let him have the cot?” he asked.

“Well, it’s more comfortable than the patient beds,” she said. “And I was going to stay up as long as possible.”

“No need,” he said, and she turned to look at him. “Mrs. Kirk insisted that Mr. Kirk bring the other Mr. Kirk back home. So you can head back and get some sleep.”

“That’d be lovely,” she said with a smile. “And I need to feed the brood. I’m sure Sprinkles and his family won’t miss me, but Annabelle and Evie and Sophia would.”

He shook his head. “I worry one day you’re going to become a crazy old cat lady, except you’ll have this menagerie out there. I mean, you have cats and a dog and otters. What’s next?”

“I’m considering a ferret,” she said. He raised an eyebrow and she laughed. “I’m teasing, Leonard. I’m perfectly content with the animals I have, though chances are I’ll probably have more otters come next spring. That’s the way it goes.” Her kettle finished and she motioned to the table. “Are you going to get some rest like you should?”

He shook his head. “No real point.”

She shook her head. “Leonard…”

“I could always come join you tonight,” he said.

“Yes, you could,” she conceded. She thought for a moment. “Do you still have that bottle of Karuizawa 1988 19 Years Old 'The Whisky Fair'?” she asked.

“How did you know I have that?” he asked, surprised.

“You and John hate doing inventory so you leave it to me. I do a thorough inventory,” she said. “There are just one or two things I leave off the list. It doesn’t mean I don’t see them.” He left her in the break area to go to his office to get the bottle. It was only there for the really bad times, to be honest, or on some occasions the really good times. He was thankful they’d had more of those than the former. He grabbed his glass and then went back to the break room to find Molly setting the tea bag in her cup and carrying it to the table.

“Black tea?” he asked.

She shook her head. “Herbal. We’re out of milk and I don’t like my black tea without milk and sugar. This is a hibiscus based tea. It’s a bit bitter, so once it’s steeped I’ll add some sugar and it should be fine.”

“I’ll pick some up from the corner store tomorrow,” McCoy said, opening up his bottle and pouring himself a large measure of whiskey. 

“Looks expensive,” Molly said, motioning for the bottle. He handed it to her and she studied the bottle a moment. “Gift from James?”

He nodded. “Helps to have friends who have money.”

“I have money too, you know,” she teased. 

“Yeah, I know,” he said with a grin. “It’s just…where Jim and I are from, there isn’t a need for money. It’s a whole different system. So him buying me expensive things means something a little different.”

“Ah,” she said with a nod. She picked up her tea bag and dunked it a few times. “It will be quite strange to have two versions of James here.”

“Yeah, especially since the new one hasn’t been through…” He trailed off. She knew what Khan had done, now. They’d lived through the release of the movie and she’d avoided it then, but before they got together, after she’d realized she’d moved on, they’d watched the film together. She hadn’t made it past the bastard killing Marcus. To be honest, he was surprised she’d even made it that far. He gave her a lot of credit for her strength. “Everything.”

She nodded, her lips pursing into a thin line. “I know it wasn’t pleasant, Leonard,” she said quietly. He lifted up his drink and took a long drink. “It’s going to be hard not to tell him, isn’t it?”

“With him looking the way he does? And Benedict Whatshisname being as big a damn deal as he is with that Marvel movie coming out and the franchise’s big anniversary coming up? Trust me, it’s going to be a miracle if it’s us who tells him the truth. I mean, hell, Jim said when he got to Lawrence, he got on the boards and within about twenty minutes he had someone fawning over him because he was James Tiberius flipping Kirk. No easing into finding out he was fictional. At least I had alcohol around.” He poured himself more booze. “Hopefully Jim and Rose will break it to him nice and easy. And hopefully he takes it well.”

Molly nodded and then got up to get the canister of sugar. “Well, personally, I’m hoping it’s temporary.”

“You and me both,” he said, picking up the drink. This time, he took a smaller sip. “The world does not need two James T. Kirks roaming around. One is bad enough, even if he’s no longer a captain Casanova.”

She brought the canister to the table, smile on her lips. “Well, we could always farm this other one out to the actor to use as a stand-in, I suppose. He could use him as a stunt double, perhaps?”

McCoy lowered his drink, stroking his chin slightly. “If he keeps the uniform clean we could send him to conventions. Charge people to have their picture taken with Chris Pine.”

“Devious,” she said with a chuckle. “Are you thinking we could teach him to forge his autograph as well?”

McCoy appeared to consider it and Molly rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “Hey, I didn’t say yes,” he replied.

“You’re incorrigible,” she said, putting some sugar in her tea.

“Yeah, but that’s why you like me,” he said with a grin.

“I suppose that’s why I do,” she replied, stirring the sugar into her tea before taking a sip. McCoy picked up his glass again. This problem would sort itself out. They always did, no matter how much everyone worried about them. For now, though, he’d chat with Molly, enjoy the booze and the conversation, then the two of them would head to her cabin and try and get some sleep and forget about it all until the morning. If it was still a problem then, _then_ he’d focus on a solution. For now? It was Jim’s problem, not his.


End file.
